Prof (Dr) Karuna Hazarika (drkaruna97@gmail.com)
"The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone." Ayn Rand (Alice O'Connor)
The quote carries the meaning of self-confidence. Self-confidence is the attitude about the skill and abilities of a person. One should know one's strengths and weaknesses as well and should have a positive view of oneself. One needs to have realistic goals and expectations, needs to communicate assertively and handle criticism and any situation. A man with lack of self-confidence might be full of doubt and be passive or submissive. He loses self-reliance too. Again, the level of confidence is variable. A person may sometimes be very confident in academics but lack confidence in other areas like relationships. A healthy level of confidence can help one to become more successful in personal and professional life. It is found that people with high confidence level can achieve more in the academic field. Confidence brings motivation to people and helps in achieving goals.
Psychologists explain why there is lack of confidence in some persons. It may start from the childhood. If someone is not being respected then it can be terribly humiliating and painful too. It leads to loss of self-confidence and may affect life negatively. This results in indifferent attitude towards other people. Just as bullying among children has its impact, likewise adults can make each other's life miserable in various ways. In all cultures there is bullying and attempts to suppress others. Sometimes this may be due to different origin, language, colour, gender or even religion. This type of behavior has negative consequences for the self-confidence of a person. This sometimes can lead to depression, insecurity, fear of failure, adjustment problem and loneliness too. The person who treats others as inferior is not usually aware of the consequences that it may have on others. Now the social media is also used for bullying and to put others down, and it is another factor for loss of self-confidence. The person who indulges in such activity does not care about the other person as he does not have to confront the victim. This can be horrifying. The other factor may be the uncertainty which can arise in various ways. It often starts in early days, may be due to the affect of bullying. If someone has a dominating parent or proactive parent, then that person too may become insecure. The result of this insecurity is that you may think negatively about yourself.
A confident person bears a few specific qualities like being open-minded, being able to celebrate others' success, optimistic, willing to take risks, decisive, being able to admit his/her mistakes, laugh at himself/herself and always having a mind to learn and grow. A confident person is always a successful one in all fields. Such persons have an edge at home, at work, in relationships etc. The most positive aspect of confident persons is better performance. They pursue their work without considering the drawbacks and ultimately they perform better. Confident persons can develop a healthier relationship and understand others well. They are more resilience as they believe in themselves. They have the ability to bounce back and tackle any challenges that they face. They are always open to try new things.
Persons without self-confidence believe that he/she cannot do the work or the task offered. It's not their cup of tea. The think 'I can never do such work, if I do, I can never finish', etc. This is a negative mindset and shows lack of self-confidence. Often these people are close-minded, pessimistic, and afraid of change, hide flaws, are indecisive, make a variety of excuses, blame others and even feel jealous of others' success. Such people are insecure and lack of self-confidence.
However, if such feelings prevail in the mind of someone, they need not worry at all. There are ways to build up one's self-confidence. The only thing is that you have to work from your end and have to try to develop self-esteem. You have to make the effort for yourself. If you lack confidence in one area and dare not struggle against it, then you cannot boost your confidence. But if you start doing something about it, then you become more confident and finally your confidence level is boosted for other aspects too. Various psychological studies and spiritual gurus/workers suggest many things to develop self-confidence. The most important one is to stop comparing yourself to others in matters of looks, performance, salary, nature of work, status etc. The social comparison theory explains that comparison is natural, but it is not going to help to boost your confidence level. Rather, it may have the opposite effect. Researchers have found that when people compared themselves to others, they usually experienced envy. It's always compounding in nature as the more envy they have, the worse they felt about themselves. To get rid of this one should think that life is not a competition and everyone has his/her own goal. Everyone is unique and blessed, and each person should try to locate the point of capability that can help to focus his/her life.
Secondly, persons who lack confidence should have companions who are positive-minded. You have to detect the friends who think positively about you. One the other hand, you have to consider leaving the friends who are not helpful or do not have positive thoughts about you. It is said that self-confidence and a positive attitude go hand-in-hand.
The third way is self-compassion. You have to consider yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail in something or have a bad experience. This helps you to be more flexible emotionally and enhances you to connect with yourself and others. Studies show that there is connection between compassion and self-confidence. So, if a situation arises that may leave you feeling imperfect or a failure, it should be considered as part of the game and human existence. This is needed to analyze with compassion and use the experience for good in future.
The fourth way to build self-confidence is positive self-talk. Negative self-talk limits the ability and confidence of a person. If there is feeling in the back of your mind that you can't do it, can't handle, too hard to try etc., the positive self-talk can help to build up confidence to overcome self-doubt to face challenges. When the feelings of 'I can't handle it' or 'this is impossible' arise, then think 'I can do it' or 'I have to do it' etc. If you end up with failure, also think at least 'I have learned something and I will try harder next time'. This will definitely help to build up strength of confidence with positive self-talk.
Moreover, you have to face your own challenge, so face it and conquer it. If you avoid and do not face anything you will not know the depth of your capabilities. So you have to face it and avoid fear as well. Feeling fearful or anxious about losing is not at all bad, but if you move forward and try to gain more confidence, so that you are prepared to take more risks in future.
A healthy lifestyle also plays a role in building up self-confidence. A good, healthy diet, timely and adequate sleep, keeping the body fit, meditation, positive body language and maintaining a positive environment definitely help in taking one's self-confidence to a higher level.
Developing a good habit, reviewing past achievements or failures, and setting targeted goals to improve self-esteem will definitely help to build one's self-confidence. Once a positive image is projected to others, then it helps in developing self-confidence and others are more likely to respond well. And this positive feedback will help further to believe in yourself. Self-confidence is vital in every aspect of our life, though many people struggle to attain it most of the time. Unfortunately, it becomes a vicious cycle and people lacking in self-confidence are less likely to be successful in their work. Confident people always inspire others like their co-workers, seniors, customers, friends and their audience too. Thus, gaining confidence of others is one of the key ways to succeed in life.