You could be spending hours together with your child by being busy on the cell phone or by engaging in office work. Your child on his/her part could also be glued to the television. Such time spent in close physical proximity does not benefit anyone. Time spent together is all about meaningful exchanges. It is about quality and never about quantity.
Psychology today describes mindfulness as 'a state of active, open attention on the present.' Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
Most of the times, one is planning for the future. While planning the next few days/weeks and even the next few hours, people invariably miss out on the small moments that are occurring right in front of them. As far as parents and children are concerned this is definitely a huge irreversible 'miss'.
However as aptly quoted by Jean de la Bruyere, the French philosopher, "Children have neither a past nor a future. Thus they enjoy the present, which seldom happens to us."
As a parent you can consciously ensure your full undivided presence for your child/children. Make sure to put your electronic devices away whenever you are with your children. The same applies to them too. Keep aside some device free time as a family. This creates a stress free zone for connection and communication.
Also keep aside some time for fun activities daily if possible. Engage in an activity which is enjoyable for you, your spouse and your child/children. Soak in the tiny moments you get with your children for they will not be little for long. They will not need you forever as they do now. So do spend those extra minutes giving that hug, even though you may be running late. The memory of your hug may help your child pull through a difficult time at a later age. Be present, be aware and build your lifelong connection with your child/children.
Be grateful for the time you are getting with your children. Be grateful for being a parent. All of it is right now, being presented to you. Accept it. Embrace it. Hold onto it. Learn to appreciate every moment for what it is, not what you wish it to be. As grownups we waste a lot of our time pondering about what could have been or what could be. Instead spend that time enjoying with what is right there in front of you. As your children observe your gratitude for the little things and moments and your healthy approach of taking the good and the bad in your stride, they too will learn gratitude and resilience.
Benefits of gratitude are manifold which, according to various research studies, range from increased happiness to increased career success and a many more meaningful things in between. Therefore whenever you are tested by trying circumstances take it as an opportunity to set a good example for your children. Because by seeing you more grateful and present, they too will become more grateful and present.
I do understand that as parents we all have expectations from our children. Try to let go off those expectations; help your children to grow up to become who they are meant to be and not who you want them to be! Maybe when you were growing up, you had to fulfill the expectations of your parents or had to live in a certain way, without actually wanting to. Well it is time to break that pattern and pave way for your own parenting pattern. Help your child/children to grow up without having to fit into myriad roles. Let them simply be and grow to their own potential. Be present, accepting and proud of them for who they are now and later.
Gariasi Dutta
Psychological Counsellor
Down town hospital
dutta.gariasi@gmail.com
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