Growing up with siblings has its own perks and heartaches! Having someone around teaches a child to learn several life skills like sharing, negotiation, power play and many more. The skill to assert is also developed along the way.
Parents play a very important role in building the foundation for enduring and lifelong sibling bonds. It is crucial for adults to play a non-judgmental role at all times possible. Let the children sort out their own battles. Resist the urge, however strong it may be, to step in and smoothen out the process. I do agree that intervening may make the resolution quicker and more peaceful. However, this process of sorting out issues during childhood will help your child in his/her adult life while dealing with real life situations.
It is imperative to constantly remind oneself that no child is similar and thus one should consciously treat each of the children as separate individuals. Many a time, most of us compare our children. Be it societal pressure or other reasons, comparisons do happen. While this comparison may seem harmless to us as adults, it has tremendous impact on the self esteem of the child.
Every child is unique and different. Each has their own skills and talents. It is extremely important to identify and encourage 'individuality' in a child. Usually parents compare their children thinking that by doing so they are motivating them. However, this often backfires and translates to jealousy and negative sibling rivalry. This can have a lifelong impact on the equation between the siblings.
Sometimes two children have very different dispositions that can also cause conflicts between them. For instance, one might be the quiet kinds and maybe enjoys nothing more than reading a good book in a quiet corner while the other is boisterous and often engages in noisy games. It would be helpful if both the siblings tried their hand in the other's leisure activity. This will help develop a sense of mutual respect in each other's interests. This attitude will be helpful in cementing ties in later life. To avoid excess conflict during family time, the children can be encouraged to take turns for planning in-house family activities.
Sometimes sibling rivalry is healthy for children too. Especially in terms of completing home or school tasks on time, finishing meals etc. This is normal and is required too. However it is imperative to maintain a harmonious balance. Also one could introduce the concept of 'agree to disagree'. Teach them how to respectfully disagree with each other's viewpoints if any arising (I am sure there will be many). This lays the foundation for future conflict resolution skills.
It is important to emphasize from time to time that respect is of utmost importance in any relationship. Respect should reflect in the tone of voice or demeanor while having a discussion. A simple act of knocking at the door while entering each other's private space should also have respect ingrained in it. The best way to teach this is by modeling. When children observe adults around them behaving in a particular way, it is easy for them to engage in the similar manner. Therefore it is very important to mind ones Ps and Qs around them.
No matter the frequency of sibling conflicts, always emphasize that family and especially siblings, have the kind of unshakable love and support that cannot easily be matched from elsewhere. This foundation and bond will only grow stronger with age and years although during childhood one usually feels otherwise.
"Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way." - Pamela Dugdale
The writer can be contacted at dutta.gariasi@gmail.com
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