All about Workplace Affairs

 WORK AND LIFE

Actually lots of people find their partners at the workplace. Yet dating someone in the office is often frowned upon. Some companies even have explicit policies against it. So what if you and a colleague have been flirting and might want to explore a relationship? Should you steer clear? Should what's right from a professional perspective override what's best for your personal life?

This subject is somewhat like a closed (unaddressed) open secret –yes we are talking about office romances. And if you are a woman who is having an affair with a colleague or contemplating one, here are some things that you should know from HR experts and wellness counselors.

"There are a lot of emotions involved when it comes to starting a relationship with your co-worker, especially when you finally find that job you really love and don't want to risk losing it," says Nivedita Basu who works as a HR manager in a technology firm in Bangalore. "Each office has different standards for workplace relationships. However not all these rules are expressed in a HR handbook. Therefore it is perhaps helpful to talk to the HR manager to understand expectations (rather what is permissible) in terms of office relationships. Hiding the affair is a big NO," she adds.

"Embarking on a relationship inside the office means that you are putting yourself under a microscope. Know that your work would be critiqued even harder and hence never ever get complacent. Go the extra mile, knowing that when faced with scrutiny your work ethics would speak for itself. The most important thing you can do when starting a relationship in the office is to make sure your work comes first and to continue giving 110%," advises Rana Sharma, a wellness counselor.

It is also very important to know what is appropriate and what is not. "The easiest way to become the centre of the office whisperings is to bring it on yourself. Always understand that blatant PDA in the workplace is unacceptable," says Basu. She advices, "Sometimes the easiest way to deal with any gossip is to make light of the situation. Dating a colleague can feel like an open invitation for your co-workers to pry. Instead of getting frustrated, try to keep your emotions at bay and brush comments off. By doing this, you will create less of a target for yourself and hopefully keep truly damaging remarks from forming. Of course, this only goes for situations involving harmless jokes and banter. If you find yourself in a situation where you are being bullied you should speak with your manager or HR immediately."

"Everyone's experience is bound to be unique in terms of office affairs and each office will have its own twists and turns when it comes to office romances. However, if you handle them professionally and respectfully, there's no reason they should affect your success in your career (for both of you)," observes Sharma.

Actually lots of people find their partners at the workplace. Yet dating someone in the office is often frowned upon. Some companies even have explicit policies against it. So what if you and a colleague have been flirting and might want to explore a relationship? Should you steer clear? Should what's right from a professional perspective override what's best for your personal life?

"In my opinion, there are perfectly good reasons why coworkers fall for one another," says Sharma and elaborates, "You spend a tremendous amount of time at work and if you put people in close proximity- working together and having open, vulnerable conversations, there's a good chance for romantic relationships to develop. Moreover, research says that people tend to fall for people who are similar to themselves. The more familiar you are with the person, the more likely it is that you will become attracted to one another."

Apprising on the risks, he says, "Before you act on your feelings, it's important to think through the risks — and there are quite a few. Of course, there's the chance that the relationship won't work out and that there will be hurt feelings on one or both sides. In addition there can be conflicts of interest. For instance if you are dating your teammate, do you put the team's or the individual's interests first? There are also reputational risks. Some colleagues may think you are giving your romantic partner preferential treatment or vice versa. Moreover, having a relationship with someone higher up in the organisation can create an alternate/undesirable explanation for why you are succeeding."

However according to Sharma if your intentions are good these risks can be substantially mitigated. In his words, "If you are aware of these risks and still want to move forward, you can provided you have the right intentions in terms of your affair/relationship. Your coworkers' reactions will reflect what they believe your motives to be. When they perceive that you are having the relationship to serve your own needs- whether it's to get ahead in your company or for your own excitement- they will clearly think of you less favorably. On the other hand, studies show that coworkers are generally positive if they perceive that you are falling in love and genuinely care about each other. So, before you jump in, check your motives and consider how others will perceive them. Having positive intentions at the start may also help guard against hurt feelings and misunderstandings should the romance eventually end."

No matter what your intentions are, it's best not to date your managers or subordinates. "It is a bad idea to get involved with anybody who is in your chain of command — up or down," says Basu. "We know from experience that the outcomes aren't as good; the perceptions are more negative. That's because this is where conflicts of interest are most stark. It's hard to be objective when giving someone you are dating a performance review, for example. And you don't want people to think that you are being unduly favoured; it can erode your own confidence and hurt the team's morale. However, boss-employee romances do happen and sometimes these relationships work out. However, if that's something you'd like to consider, I would suggest that you 'take action immediately' to transfer to a new boss or reassign your direct report to another team," she concludes.

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