Tying the knot in trying times

Greetings

"It gives us great pleasure to inform you that our younger daughter….. is getting married to …..on 22/02/2021. Given the covid-19 situation, we are unable to celebrate this joyous occasion with you as we would have liked. Please accept this small memento and bless the couple.

With lots of love

(Bride's parents)"

A relative recently couriered us this wedding card (names deleted), along with a sweet box and a small memento.

Whenever public health is at risk, the challenge is massive. Thanks to lockdown protocols, marriage ceremonies all over India which have been put on hold are now slowly becoming low-profile occasions. Covid-19 has changed the way we think about marriages, the pandemic shifting the marital priorities.

Instead of long guest lists and lavish food spreads, social distancing and sanitization seems the preference. People are divided on whether they would like to attend a wedding these times.

During the first days of the pandemic, breaks were applied to weddings (as did everything else!). No doubt, a stressful time for so many, with many losing big money that had already been paid toward wedding expenses.

Are weddings redefined?

Couples and their families are coming to terms with swapping their big fat weddings for small intimate affairs. Of course, you would miss most of your friends and relatives, yet, you can plan a good reception later. Right now, even honeymoons have limited options.

Some wedding planners are advising their clients to move their weddings to next year, because many wanted to invite 300-500 people, but current rules cap the number to around 100 people. Though vaccines have started rolling out, by the time it reaches you and me, it could be well into 2022.

A wedding is a time for joy and celebration, it's the coming together of not just the couple, but also of families and communities. It's tough to imagine Indian weddings without involving the community.

More than 10m marriages take place every year. Accounting and research firm KPMG estimates the wedding market to be "more than $50b".

Reports of guests getting Covid-infected after being part of marriage parties is not uncommon. A bridegroom from Bihar died after his wedding that left 100 guests 'positive'. In Rajasthan, 250 guests attended a wedding and the groom's grand-father died due to the virus. As strange as it may sound, the police had to intercept a marriage procession in U.P. to whisk away the bridegroom and his father to the hospital, as both tested 'positive'. The list is long.

Guidelines are conveniently flouted. A Bangalore-based wedding photographer reportedly confirms that most weddings had 150-200 guests and no one was wearing a mask or following social distancing. Probably, people become casual once they get to party-mode, and there's no one to check on them.

It feels special to be a 'rationed' invitee. In one case, when the neighbours learnt that the 'special invitees' attended a wedding, the 'attendees' had to self-isolate for a few days.

Strange times, strange measures

You're invited, but don't stay long. Come, bless the couple, eat and leave. Some guests are invited in three shifts and, were told to adhere to the dinner time-slot given to them.

A bride's sister and brother-in-law abstained from attending the wedding for fear of getting infected. A marriage, in Chennai, was a virtual celebration, while lunch/dinner was distributed in palm leaf boxes to guests! The viral made big rounds.

In a wedding, an alarm rings every half an hour at the wedding hall to remind the guests sanitise their hands. Masks were designed in two different colours – one for the bride's guests and the other for the groom's guests. It's not known if any invitees were asked to produce Covid 'negative' certificate.

Cost-effective

Covid has forced thousands of couples to review their wedding plans. Some couples, however, see to it that a pandemic can't keep matrimony away. A silver-lining is that the wedding cost is substantially slashed.

Move over from working from home, it's now weddings from home, a wedding like no other. No pomp and show, no big crowd, band or horse accompanied the groom. The pandemic has already been financially devastating people all over; big weddings might become even more of an avoidable extravagance.

When shopping, banking, schooling, meeting and social events have all moved online, virtual wedding is not far behind. The digital ceremony can be live-streamed without much hurting your budget. Zoom is user-friendly, too.

While some don't prefer marriages during the pandemic, a few are finding it beneficial. Some bride-side people managed without any borrowing. For them, low-cost weddings are godsend opportunities.

Due to fewer people attending the wedding, marriage halls, guest houses need not be booked. Food bill is negligible, and no wastage. A handful of printed invitations can suffice, rest remains e-invites. Dowry includes lavish weddings as well, but now, this can't happen.

Why not save it yourselves by having a smaller wedding? Some couples have used Covid restrictions to strictly reduce the number of guests. They tied knots in front of 25 guests only. In Indian weddings, trimming down the guest list is no easy task. But the ceremony is as legal as a big, fat wedding!

The weddings as we know them – grand, festive events, with extended family and friends in attendance – won't be the norm again, for a long time.

A trend towards smaller weddings would enable couples and their families to redirect the money they might have spent, into a more lasting asset, like their first-home, or fund for kids' education, or even a holiday plan.

Who knows, in future, the stories of couples who wedlocked during the Covid-era will be the stuff of family and cultural legacy. Pandemic weddings merit a big thumbs up! It's quick and easy, can still be beautiful.

Why not a thrifty new-norm?